Anniversary Antics

This weekend, Hubby and I will celebrate out 28th wedding anniversary.

Photos clearly show that we were twelve years old at the time. Arranged marriages are always a good idea.

Hubby had recently had his braces removed.

Mine went on the following year.

Enough water has gone under the bridge in our relationship to establish a moat around our castle, a lazy river, and maintain several substantial waterfall features.

We recently added a couple of swans on top.

Here and there it has carved slot canyons in the landscape of our lives and you can hike around in them so long as you keep in mind that, at any random moment and no matter how brightly the sun is shining overhead, you could be dashed to your death in a flash flood.

Truth.

Other than taking a moment of silence to commemorate the rash deeds of our youth, we are casting about for some form of team congratulatory activity. A high-five, but with a huge price tag attached to prove our sincerity.

After thirty years of hanging out with someone, it’s hard to come up with an original idea.

Hot air balloons, world travel, dedicating my firstborn….is all so yesterday.

What are we supposed to come up with for our 30th?

Walk on the moon?

My girlfriends did some creative things, just last month.

We watched one couple as they renewed vows in a backyard sunset ceremony and video-taped their guests via drone, as we lit sparklers to create a huge glittering heart on fire. Wearing stilettos was worth eating wedding cake surrounded by millions of twinkle lights.

Another girlfriend texted me with tears of joy: her Hubby had gotten her a new transmission for their 20th.

Some romantics just like to show off.

And we still have two Golden Anniversaries to attend. What to do?

The Traditional Anniversary Gift List – which assuredly was made up by a woman because they are in charge of making lists – is lengthy and laughable.

It was invented before Pinterest and bless her heart, she tried to cover the bases.

Here I present to you my research, along with some much better thoughts.

Traditional Gift   |    Modern Gift   |    My Suggestion

  1. Paper  |   Clock   |   Chocolate
  2. Cotton   |   China   |   His-n-Hers Remotes
  3. Leather   |   Crystal/Glass   |   Tums
  4. Fruit/Flowers   |   Electrical Appliances   |   Wine
  5. Wood   |    Silverware   |    Nanny for a Year
  6. Candy/Iron   |   Wood Objects   |   A Good Dental Plan
  7. Wool/Copper   |   Desk Sets/Pens, Pencils   |   Housekeeper
  8. Pottery/Bronze   |   Linens/Lace   |   Wine-in-a-Box
  9. Willow/Pottery   |   Leather Goods   |   Lottery Tickets
  10. Tin/Aluminum   |   Diamond Jewelry   |   Tequila
  11. Steel   |   Fashion Jewelry/Accessories   |   Get Out of Jail Free Card
  12. Silk/Linen   |   Pearls/Colored Gems   |   A Reliable Car
  13. Lace   |   Textiles/Furs   |   Cat
  14. Animals (Ivory)   |   Gold Jewelry   |   401K
  15. Crystal   |   watches   |   Kicky Reading Glasses

20. China   |   Platinum   |   Roadtrip to Yuma, AZ

25. Silver   |   Silver   |   Hair Plugs

30. Pearl   |   Diamond   |   Neck Wattle Reduction

35. Coral   |   Jade   |   Hearing Aids

40. Ruby   |   Ruby   |   Fruit-of-the-Month Club

45. Sapphire   |   Sapphire   |   Tandem Skydiving

50. Gold   |   Gold   |   Form Card from the President

60.  Diamond   |   Diamond   |   Faces on a Smuckers Jar

75.  Diamond/Gold   |   Platinum   |   Wheelchair Racing Stripes

85.  Moonstone   |   Wine   |   Oxygen Tank Racing Stripes

90.  Granite   |   Marble   |   Faces on a Milk Carton

Because if you made it to your 90th Wedding Anniversary, the granite is obviously a tombstone.

A nice tombstone.

Did you see what the modern lady did here?

She was starting to wonder if living past the 35th anniversary was even a modern probability, so she hedged her bets and stuck diamonds and gold between the 10th and 15th dates.

Smart list lady.

I don’t want to wait until I’m old as dirt to get good loot, either

After that apparently, you only need to bother every few years and if you go past your 60th, you were married at birth or your spouse and you are suspended in frozen test tubes somewhere.

That’s cheating.

The List is full of creative ideas and if I try just a little, I’m sure I can find a token of my lengthy love to my main squeeze.

But it’s not like we ladies need a legit excuse to go out and buy the sparklies and forge Hubby’s name on the card. When he sees the price tag we can just say, “But Honey, the List is a real thing, it’s right here on the internet. It’s tradition.”

And he will say, “Oh, so it is, and it’s as important as all the stuff we needed in our actual wedding ceremony, too, like flowers that matched the napkins and ten bridesmaids in tulle. I see there’s a category for electrical appliances. You’re gonna love the motorcycle you got me.”

Maybe we’ll play a romantic game of Rock/Paper/Scissors.

Otherwise known as Diamond/Cruise Ticket/Spa Date.

Riding off into the sunset...BYO paddle.

Riding off into the sunset…BYO paddle.

4 thoughts on “Anniversary Antics

  1. Stacy

    Happy Anniversary to both of you! Love that you guys are part of our life! I think a trip to Europe is the perfect answer….. 🙂

    Reply
  2. Chris

    I must say, I love your sense of humor. Happy 28th!! May your celebration of these many years together be full of bliss. We look forward to your 50th!

    Reply

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