Category Archives: Parenting

The Mothers Day Hotline

Good morning, and thank you for calling the Mother’s Day Hotline. If you are waiting in bed for a tray of burnt toast, spilt juice, and a macaroni necklace, enjoy the following selections at leisure. Otherwise, please choose carefully. If you are currently considering becoming a mother, please press 1. If you are pregnant and […]

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Guilty As Charged

The thing about ugly crying is that it should be done in the privacy of your own kitchen, not in the grocery store. Trying to keep it together somewhere in the canned goods aisle is like putting your finger into the leaky dike and hoping a miracle comes along soon. Like, pronto. Thankfully, a People […]

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Thumb Wars

It’s baby season, and while I no longer have a license to hunt one down, I enjoy admiring yours from a respectful distance. After you’ve carted it home and cleaned it and mounted it just right in your Ergo, I will give you one of the most important things you will ever need: a pacifier. […]

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