Hello and thank you for calling the Forgetful Files Hotline.
Your call is important to us.
Please choose from one of the following options, as our menu has recently changed.
To hear the chirping crickets that came with that contest, because apparently Jolie has zero friends or perhaps all of her readers don’t actually have father-figures in their lives or maybe they don’t know how to type or probably they only kept the memories of when their dad caught them sneaking in after curfew and they just don’t think that’s funny, please press TWO.
To join Jolie in her Pity Party, please pour a cup of tea and press THREE.
For an explanation of why a fake entry wasn’t used to pretend there were at least two hundred entries submitted, even though Jolie can speak fluent “imaginary friend with a funny father story”, please press FOUR.
If you know your party’s extension and want to bring delicious flavor to it, please press FIVE.
To find out where Jolie and her dad spent Father’s Day, and to make sense of our recent Instagram photo, please press SIX.
If you would like some elevator music while you wait to be connected, please press SEVEN.
For a sneak preview of an upcoming blog subject, please press EIGHT.
If all you really wanted was five minutes out with the girls, because, seriously, if you had an extra ten minutes it wouldn’t be writing stories for a contest, please pour some pinot grigio, hide in the closet, and press NINE.
If you feel you have reached this number by mistake, please press TEN for verification.
Thank you for calling the Forgetful Files Hotline, and have a nice day.