Year of the Ram

As if there’s not enough activities written on it already, my calendar holds far and away too many ‘holidays’.

When I say ‘holidays’ I mean all the wannabe’s.

A ‘holy day’ is entirely different, but as we live in the American Melting Pot, every single day of significance from around the globe gets it’s moment of fame here.

I don’t think “Canada Day” is on the Nepalese calendar.

And where there’s an empty day, we make stuff up.

I have a calendar that takes “The Land of Opportunity” way too seriously, because I had the opportunity to celebrate National S’mores Day last fall and frankly, it’s the only time I’ve taken all year to consider the delicacy. I think I was supposed to make some. But I’m not sure why we’re doing it all together as a country. Was there a run on marshmallows?

I’m not remotely Catholic yet I use the little reminder from St. Valentine to say “I love you”. St. Patrick reminds me that wearing green never goes out of style. And the Feast of St. Lulu…no wait, that’s a Muppet Movie. My bad.

What I’m saying is that “Boxing Day” sounds pretty great because according to my research, it’s basically a “made up for entirely ambiguous reasons” thing on the calendar so I can make it into anything I want.

Awesome.

We all need to decide together what we’re doing, so I don’t look ridiculous all by myself.

Here I am, seeing the Chinese New Year on my calendar and doing the Happy Dance. We aren’t even a smidgen Chinese, but we have a deep fondness for orange chicken and Jackie Chan and my kids – while having no idea how to work a dishwasher – can wield chopsticks like ninja stars.

We looked up our birth year animals. Perhaps a noble horse? Of course not. We have no less than three monkeys, a dog, a rabbit and a snake. My oldest is a ram. I’m sure the Chinese zodiac will insist these are all great Patroni, but it’s no surprise to me that I live in a zoo.

I buy a bag of fortune cookies for the occasion.

Everyone grabs for theirs like it matters.

You can wish on your birthday candles or a shooting star; you could scratch a ticket and win the lottery.

It’s fun because it might come true but we have better luck with fortune cookies.

You can always find a way to make the fortune work:

“Your ability to accomplish tasks will follow with success.”

You see? This is deep and meaningful stuff.

This is the one that means “Learn how the dishwasher works and mom will start cooking again.”

Like a great many ‘holidays’, this one celebrates with fireworks. If only they were legal in California backyards. I’m not saying the occasional cherry bomb doesn’t go around the block, but I think we’re adding occasions purely for the fun of eating or blowing things up.

Or both.

Like S’mores.

And Groundhog Day.

We are obviously bored and in need of something to celebrate on a daily basis. Just getting out of bed and drinking coffee is not enough.

I would be exhausted trying to keep up with my calendar.

But I’m trying.

National Pi Day is coming on March 14th.

As much as I’d like to blow up every math equation ever made, I think instead I’ll add an “e” and make some apple pie.

Y’all come.

Confucius say, "Never eat the Groundhog!"  Even with sweet n sour sauce.

Confucius say, “Never eat the Groundhog!”
Even with sweet n sour sauce.

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