The Big Uh-Oh is the birthday immediately preceding the Big Five-Oh. The one where you’re going along in life, minding your own business and then boom you have an epiphany in the dressing room at JCPenney’s. Your mother was right. We are not going to call and tell her so. Several choice words escaped my lips…
Category: Fun & Games
Digging My Way Through the Day Job
Okay, here’s the deal. I have been called a perfectionist, a fairly over-zealous housekeeper, and an over-thinker. While this is sometimes undervalued in the kid-raising environment, I understood it to be a bonus in the work environment. That place called a “real job in the real world”, the place that looks for buzzwords like “organized”…
Foiled by the Fitbit
The Wellness Committee interrupts this program with an important message: This is a test of the emergency sweat system. This is only a test. If this were a real workout, you would hear your fat screaming as it burned, followed by the whimper of your abused respiratory tract. Pay no attention to that shackle on…
The Mothers Day Hotline
Good morning, and thank you for calling the Mother’s Day Hotline. If you are waiting in bed for a tray of burnt toast, spilt juice, and a macaroni necklace, enjoy the following selections at leisure. Otherwise, please choose carefully. If you are currently considering becoming a mother, please press 1. If you are pregnant and…
Quite Cheeky
I am now mercury-free. The fillings, not the planet. I kicked off my weekend with a trip to the family dentist who was delighted to line my old tooth craters with composite resin and his wallet with dollar bills. I settled into the pleather recliner and adjusted the plastic-lined headrest. “How are you this morning?”…
Wherein Mistakes Were Made
It was a rough week. Mistakes were made. I made a big one at work, wherein the people involved were very nice about it. I made a small one at home, wherein the people involved were very not nice about it. But here’s one nobody knows about, and as three mistakes in one week are…
The Rain of Caesar
All hail to the chief. It’s been three weeks of rainy day recess and teachers are sneaking shots into their coffee mugs. The only creatures happy at this point are ducks and the Great Earthworm Migration coming through my kitchen, which is the only dry spot for miles. Our cul de sac has it’s own…
Dusting Off the Imagination
When I was a child, imagination was my biggest and best toy. That’s because before Tiger Moms and internet, there was The Backyard. All the cool kids had one. I climbed up the rickety stairs over our garage and could just make out Dead Man’s Island off the San Diego coast. Its hills form the…
The Fab Five of 2016
Good morning intrepid readers! I don’t know about you, but my life contained some serious plot twists and character reveals in 2016. All of them are gifts of course, although sometimes it’s wise to wait before passing judgement on their value. The first blog post I want to send you to, then, isn’t one of…
Minutiae
My son and I are sitting in the waiting area of the local medical lab. We are sitting as close to each other as possible and not touching the armrests. We should be wearing cough masks over our faces. Not because we might cough. Because the other patients in this crowded room might. Most of…
Dance is for Life
The ladies curtsey. The gentlemen bow. “Everybody forward and back!” A banjo picks up the Virginia Reel that will take our class on to new heights of social cooperation and gender tolerance. When you have five kids, you serve a life sentence volunteering in their elementary school. Let’s just say I took my “job” in…
Touring Torrey Pines State Natural Reserve
Hubby and I enjoy hiking in the great outdoors, provided there are bathrooms and snacks, and as you are aware of my self-discipline methods, you know it’s not about my physique so much as it’s about fun. Last weekend, the Hubbs and I thought it would be fun to do an early morning beach hike,…
